The maid of honor just puked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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