I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
