If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
