he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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