so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
