I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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