There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
