It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
