Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
