my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
