And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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