I wish my penis had an off switch
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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