Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
