wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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