Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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