I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
