Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
