For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This is my gift to your gina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
