she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
