The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
