Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
