I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
