Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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