No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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