I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
