Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
