I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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