I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
