uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
