No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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