True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
