was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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