The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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