Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
