i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
