We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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