yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
