I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
