You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
