Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
