You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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