I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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