I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
