sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
