I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize