I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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