I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
