I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
