this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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