i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
