So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
