she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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