i think i have herpe
just one?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
