i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
