So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize