Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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