We named our party play list daddy issues
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
