Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
