we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
