when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
