My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
