My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
