a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
