I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
