dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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