At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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