well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pants are for mortals
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize