happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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