He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
