He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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