the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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