Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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