guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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