...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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